Hello 2020

Hello nice to meet you. 

I know you are really new at this, and the learning curve is pretty steep, not to mention all the palaver that goes with ringing in the new year 

… remembering to write 2020 rather than 2019, 

… squirreling away all the old unread papers, 

… corralling all the relevant invoices, 

… locating last year’s receipts, 

… digging out tax records, 

… and changing over to the new calendar without losing the old one which you will need for some yet to be revealed purpose. 

 But, it isn’t as if you have a choice … believe me I have every sympathy. Especially when all you have to look forward to is a fast-track to old age, and a lot of flak about how you compare unfavorably to all those other better years, blah, blah, blah. I mean you know that in twelve months you will be a doddering old relic carrying a big letter opener thingy, wearing the remains of your old bathrobe, and not caring that your newborn is the next sacrificial lamb. Sigh. Seriously it is like watching some Greek Tragedy cum Ground Hog Day movie sequel.  

However, as long as I have you here, could you explain the aging ratio? I mean if a Dog year is equivalent to seven People years, how do we calculate a Calendar year to a People year? If we say that the old year is something like 85 or 90 when we reach December 31^st, does that mean that every day of the year is equivalent to … what? … 365 divided by 90? or 90 is to 1 as 365 is to 1? or 12 over 90 multiplied by 365? or 12 times 365 divided by 90? Whatever …

I give up! I’ve tried but I cannot get past the concept, over the maths  and through the morass to any kind of rational answer. I know that this little baby year is growing at a pretty fast clip, and I am convinced there is some kind of calculation that might give me an answer. But I’m pretty sure that is some form of the dread algebraic-calculus conundrum. I know this because even with my calculator at hand, I am coming out in a rash and getting further from a logical answer with every attempt to figure it out. So, let us just agree that this tiny little baby year does not have time to hang around and ease into the new year like I do. Such a blessing to have time to spare. 

So, to paraphrase Big Ben when he greeted the leaning tower of Pisa … since between us we have the time and the inclination, let me wish you all a Happy New Year.